Monday, January 12, 2015

Life from Inside this Fat Suit

I am an observer of people. I'm fascinated by human behavior and social interactions.  I am usually content with being the onlooker versus the point of interest . The down side to this preoccupation is I am acutely aware of how often I am merely the onlooker and while it's sometimes by choice,  I know that is also often by exclusion.

People are attracted to -well- attractive people. Generally speaking, the more pleasant your appearance the bigger the draw. I am, too. Everyone is. It's okay to admit it. It's natural. What I guess I find bothersome is something I like to call, "The Passover Moments".  Those moments in which people can't help but know you are there, yet avoid making eye contact or any kind of contact for that matter.  Or my personal favorite, those moments when someone makes a brief stop to say hello, only to look over your shoulder for the next, nearest more interesting (skinnier?) person available.  No place is safe from these moments.  They happen everywhere.

I appreciate in my older and wiser years, this is more about the individual making "The Passover", rather the recipient of said moments.  As much as I know this, I'm going to admit, sometimes it stings. I know these moments aren't reserved for the overweight, but I've been both fit and fat and I want to assure you right here and now, the perspective from inside of this fat suit is a vastly different one from outside of it. I remember and I know.

And why do I call it a fat suit? Because while I attribute my obesity to a number of factors, and own every ounce of fat on my body, my body is not who I am. It's a shell that carries my soul. If you know me well then you've taken the time to unzip the fat suit and take a peek inside.  If that's you, thanks. I love you.

Yes, my body is a temple, and a holy vessel. It should be cared for. My sin and struggles just might be a little more obvious than yours.

When shopping recently, I heard a man speak behind me and he said, "Babe, did you see the size of her ass?" to which the woman replied, "I know. It's Huge".   Another thing age has afforded me is rationale and the ability to honestly acknowledge the truth of both statements. This actually hurts less than being overlooked because of the way I look in a more personal setting.  That feeling of being discounted can be raw and frankly, at this point, sort of just, expected.

What has been unexpected, however, are some of my very own realizations.  How keenly aware I have become of how narrow my own vision is. How often I have been the Queen of administering "The Passover Moments".   Living from inside of this fat suit has offered up an empathy for other, passed-over people. It has created in me the desire to know others inside and out.  God does not create ugly. We do. God only creates beauty and it's up to us to look past whatever suit it is in to see it. To want to see it.

On the outside, I don't have much to offer you.  I have a small house, a small bank account and a BIG ass.  On the inside, I offer a heart that's even bigger, an authentic friendship, a woman of God.  I encourage you to take a moment and peek inside someone's suit today.  You have no idea what lies beneath.

No comments:

Post a Comment